Been a long time

Love is a very weird thing. It just surprises you.

I've been seeing a new man for 3 months today. Let's call him Risto since we don't need to use his real name here.

The truth is that I love him. I know I do. I'm in love with him and feel it more every day.

Why am I sad then? Am I sad that on our 3 month anniversay he doesn't have the desire to swing by on his bike (he rides right by my house) and at least say hi? Does that mean I am too sensitive or sappy? I don't know. He seems to be sensitive and when he's feeling hurt, I am supposed to understand, but I'm not allowed to feel anything unless it's good. It feels that way sometimes at least.

I am really in love with him. I love having him in my world. I have not felt like this about someone in years. I am writing again after months of not being on here because the way I feel about him inspires me to do so.

I am very lucky. I know that. I mean, he shows up with little surprises at my door and it makes my day. I guess what gets me is this: he determines when and how long we get to see each other, it's never really up to me, and he never gets rejected, but I do. He asks me when I'm getting home and I do everything in my power to cater to him...he doesn't ask if I'm even busy..and I wasn't...but he's also not out. I can't even see his bedroom. I have never seen baby pics. I feel like there is a whole world of his I can't be any part of and it's really hard.

Why do I feel like I have no say in this relationship? If he wants to hang it's ok, if I want to hang, it's too much? I would have much rather hung out tonight than tomorrow when we may go to Ikea or watch a movie. Am I too attached to the fact that it's our anniversary? Am I being a baby?

I mean, it's not that he can't stop by and say hi to his boyfriend on his bike ride, EVER..it's that I'm the kind of person who would assume to do that if I rode by his house (if he were out)....I don't want to ask him that. I want to be romanced. I want to feel like I am important.

Is that too much to ask, readers? What are your thoughts?

21

One of my favorite songs of all time is Alanis' "21 Things I Want in A Lover".....since the day I heard it years ago. She lists the specific qualities she wants in a romantic partner. After much thought, I came up with my own list. Why I am sharing this, I don't know. Maybe some insight into my quirky ways.



21 THINGS DANIEL WANTS IN A LOVER

1. Nerve. Being willing to not be afraid to try new things in life. This means not being afraid of social or cultural situations that are new to you. This means not having comfort zones and social crutches. Get under my skin in a good way by being confident and being a man.

2. The ability to use logic and reason and make decisions based upon these methods and not emotion or something just "feeling right."

3. Respect for family and knowing when to keep them close and when to let them not interfere with your own life.

4. Being true to your word.

5. Being both masculine and feminine.

6. Not being a Republican is something you're proud of.

7. Having religion is fine, but not if you think it's the only way to enlightenement or an afterlife. This also goes with respecting my belief in no god my that god which is my own will and power.

8. A reader of books. Magazines too...but the tabloid ones don't count.

9. Appreciates the nuances of lyric and note in music so that it touches the depts of your soul in ways you can't describe or even attempt to think someone could understand.

10. Being comfortable in the big city and just as happy to be in Kentucky with me on the family farm in the peace and serenity of silence and slower paces.

11. Your eyes light up when you talk about your career or the passions you are following in your life.

12. You volunteer.

13. You challenge me and yourself. You also let me challenge you. You like it.

14. You understand that a relationship often entails doing things you don't want to do just to make the other person happy. You see me doing this for you.

15. You like scary movies.

16. You are happy at the opera, ballet, theatre, redneck tractor pull, county fairs, country festivals in Kentucky or the South, and you appreciate good country cooking and the people who cook it. And sushi just as much.

17. Candlelight is something you truly appreciate.

18. You want to make the wold a better place.

19. You value direct, frank, non-sugar-coated relationships.

20. You're an amazing kisser.

21. I just realized 21 is not enough. I need a lot more room.

friends across party lines? yes and no

Could an African-American man be friends with a white man in 1955 who was politically against the black dude's rights against segregation? I doubt it.

Can I be friends with someone who disagrees with me on separation of church and state? Yes.

Can I be friend with someone who disagrees with me on separation of church and hate? No.

Could I be friends with someone who disagrees with my stance on womens' abortion rights? Absolutely.

Could I be friends with someone who tells me I don't have the right to marry the personI love with the same legal parameters as a straight person? No.

Could I be friends with someone who disagrees with me on welfare programs? Yes. Education? Yes. Healthcare? Yes.

Can I be friends with someone who votes to take my rights away as a tax-paying equal citizen under the law and make me second class? Hell no.

Period.

I have no problem admitting I like Enya.

It could be worse. It could be Yanni. Or KennyG.

But then again, she is still a musical powerhouse.

She is Ireland's best-selling solo artist and is officially the country's second biggest musical export after the band U2. Her works have earned her four Grammy Awards and an Academy Award nomination, and she is also famous for performing in 10 different languages during her lengthy career. She is worth well over $300,000,000.00.

I remember the first time I heard Enya, I was in 7th grade and riding in the back of Rebecca's mom's van coming back from a UK game and Rebecca and I fell asleep in the back listening to "Shepard Moons".....good times.

So, the new Enya holiday CD is wonderful, typical Enya, with some surprises and very beautiful, peaceful, and perfect.

But I'm sick of her wardrobe!!!!! I'm sick of her videos.

Yes, I know there are more important things to worry about, but if Enya puts out another CD with her on the cover in an absurdly long dress....and the dress is always draped out to the side...with her in a pensive state....I may just scream. And on the Amarantine cover...are those leggings? Who walks around in leggings under a 40' long red satin cape-dress-train-gown-coat-blanket-comforter-curtain thing? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

And if I see one more Enya video where she's walking around slowly among the fog and the mist, through rainforests or touching the wings of butterflies in childlike amazement (Irish Mariah Carey anyone?), among rolling hills with castles in the distance (granted, she does live in a castle...yes, her, Madonna, and Jane Seymour have castles...but Madonna and Justin did not shoot a video of themselves walking on the water in the moat!), while drops of rain fall from the stars and horses appear out of nowhere....I WILL SCREAM AGAIN!!!

I dare you to check on youtube for Enya videos and find one without a horse/unicorn, raindrops, fog, butterflies, monk attire, or moonlight.

Now, things may be turning around...as one of the videos from the new CD is called "Trains and Winter Rains" and it shows Enya riding a subway or taxi around a major city at night and it's very romantic and sexy for those of us who have our holidays in the concrete jungles...but yeah...she has a long ass curtain on. Girl gonna get mugged looking like that.

**On a side note, the new CD is very good, if you want some different holiday music not like the rest and my recommeded downloads are:

"Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel"
"Trains and Winter Rains"
"Dreams Are More Precious"
"My! My! Time Flies" (this song is very much a departure for her)

I just think she needs a new look. She needs to update. I mean...um...check this out:

friends across party lines? yes.... and no....

Could an African-American man be friends with a white man in 1955 who was politically against the black dude's rights against segregation? I doubt it.

Can I be friends with someone who disagrees with me on separation of church and state? Yes.

Can I be friend with someone who disagrees with me on separation of church and hate? No.

Could I be friends with someone who disagrees with my stance on womens' abortion rights? Absolutely.

Could I be friends with someone who tells me I don't have the right to marry the personI love with the same legal parameters as a straight person? No.

Could I be friends with someone who disagrees with me on welfare programs? Yes. Education? Yes. Healthcare? Yes.

Can I be friends with someone who votes to take my rights away as a tax-paying equal citizen under the law and make me second class? Hell no.

Period.

pizza pizza

I made pizza tonight.

Whole wheat crust.

Olives, mozzarella, basil, sauce...AND I MADE THE GRILLED CHICKEN MYSELF FIRST.

Yeah, it was a Martha moment.

Here's the before baking and ready-to-eat photos.

from 2002

CLANDESTINE

the Blue Devil
taunts my joy

he purges upon
my days and nights

and forces blood
into combustion.


as a jackanapes
he is arrogant

he tries to make me
his merchandise

and there is no merit
for knowing him.


this high plutocrat
points his finger

into my heart
and into my brain

to tell me how
I must listen to him.


my fear of living
in the openness

his demanding and
his pulling down

drags me back into
secret depression dark.


dkk 2002

quatre

Inspired by Jake's blog...here's my collection of answers to the "fours".


Four jobs I have had in my life:
Disc Jockey
Pianist/singer in a buffet restaurant in my hometown in KY
Visual stylist
Church pianist

Four movies I would watch over and over:
Notting Hill
The Exorcist
The Silence of the Lambs
Amelie

Four places I have lived:
Chicago, IL
Birmingham, AL
Louisville, KY
Indianapolis, IN

Four TV shows I watch:
Family Guy
Martha
Nip/Tuck
The Riches

Four places I have been:
Peru
Hawaii
Cape Cod
Mexico

Four people who email me semi-regularly:
Brenda G.
Brenda B.
Megan
Hillary

Four of my favorite foods:
Peanut butter & jelly with fritos in the sandwich (don't hate!)
A1 sauce on anything
Greek salads
Jamba juice

Four places I would rather be right now:
At the beach
Somewhere slower than Chicago
Playing with my nephews
In bed with Madonna

Four things I look forward to:
Hawaii this weekend
My next marathon
Arriving
10 year high school reunion

Four regrets:
Letting someone hold me back for London in 2001
Being too hard on the Peruvian
Investing in the wrong airlines
Paying to see "Meet the Robinsons

he's going down

thurs morning 4:00am

Wednesday night, I snuggled into bed at 11:30pm. I had worked out for three hours (marathon season) and I was compeltely exhausted.

I sleep with a white noise machine, a ceiling fan going, an air purifier humming and a humidifier gurgling. Needless to say, my bedroom has a nice din while I sleep. It keeps the noise from the street out.

4:00 am Thursday morning. I hear a drunk bitch in the hallway with about 5 other people yelling and fighting. They're drunk off their asses.

I forgot to mention that I live in a vintage building that has three feet of solid concrete between each floor and 2 feet between the walls. It's very quiet building.

THIS WAS LOUD.

They are yelling and screaming and laughing. Then they start fighting and from what I could hear it dwindles down to a guy and girl. I can hear that he's being violent with her, calling her names and pushing her against the wall. I wasn't about to get involved. Wasn't going to get all up in that drunk ass mess.

15 minutes go by and I stick my head out the door and say, "Do you mind?"

The prick answers, "Yeah we mind."

I shake my head and go back to bed.

15 more minutes. I stick my head out the door.

The prick says, "What are you looking at?"

I reply, "I want to see who to call the landlord about."

He says, "Go back to bed before I kill you, faggot."

OH NO HE MOTHERFUCKING DIDN'T! DON'T MAKE ME TAKE OFF MY EARRINGS!!! I breathe. I calm down and shut the door.

I live in Boystown in Chicago. It's the gay district. He is probably the only straight guy in my building. I find it so funny and sad that straight men seem to think that calling a guy a faggot is the worst thing they can say.

For some reason, I take it as a compliment. I want to reply, "Why, yes, I am cultured!"

...he's still going down.

who knew?

who knew?

I spent the day with a friend at the movies after crawling out of bed this morning around 11am. A long sleep is sure to happen when you’re drugged up on Benadryl.....damn allergies.

Anyway...we saw three movies, and on our way out, we realized that I lost my brand new Marc Jacobs sunglasses and she lost her hat and scarf. We ran back up to guest services and of course knew we were taking faith on a long shot.

But, someone had actually turned them all in.

Who knew that kind of courtesy was still out there? I think I can ride this high for a couple days.

bring it barbie

I am SOOOOOOO EXCITED!

MAYBE SINCE I AM SOUTHERN........


MAYBE SINCE I AM QUEER FROM WAY BACK WHEN........


IS IT DUE TO MY ADMIRATION FOR GLITTER AND DRAMATIC PERFORMANCE?

DOLLY PARTON HAS HER FIRST MAINSTREAM COUNTRY ALBUM COMING OUT NEXT MONTH!!!!

The new CD is called "Backwoods Barbie" and the video for the first single, "Better Get to Living" is below

more winter in chicago

Chicago in winter is just as pretty and magical as it can be ugly and dreadful. No, really. Such as the above image from Macy's on Michigan Ave. Well...it would have been prettier when it was still Field's, but at least it's a real Macy's and not an old Rich's or Lazurus in the South with a Macy's sign on the front.



Outside the Hotel Intercontinental on Michigan Avenue.






Entrance to Heaven...er...um..I mean Neiman's on Michigan Ave.



And then I snapped this one of the Water Tower.

I really do love walking down Michigan Avenue late at night...summer or winter....both are beautiful in their own right for their own reasons.

winter in chicago

Winter in Chicago may be called many things. Beautiful, magical, horrible, nasty, romantic, painful, miserable, dreadful, cozy. See the paradox here? The last major snowstorm we had, Selena ventured out with me around 1am to help me find a new parking space. I needed to park my car somewhere other than Belmont or it would be towed since the snow was over two inches and I live on one of the streets that is plowed first and if the snow is over 2 inches and your car is not removed they will tow it and it does not matter if you don't see the sign since they will tow your car anyway, yes it is all they have to do in the City of Chicago Transportation Department instead of using policemen to fight real crime and drugs and the sort or to keep Republicans from freely walking the streets, they decide it's more fun to tow us people who innocently park on the street and go to sleep not knowing it has snowed 45 feet worth onto the streets. Yes, I know that was a run-on sentence. It was supposed to be. It's for effect. Relish it.



Selena walking to my car in the wind and snow. She was not happy at this point.








Anyway....after I shoveled my car out of the snow it was about 1:15 am and I drove one block over to pick up Selena.....we drove around for a looooooong time until we saw one complete moron (god love her) on Aldine who was actually leaving her space. We jumped on it.....parched from our ealier activity of visiting Three Walls Gallery that night for an exhibit, we decided to head over to Melrose Diner and have a late late late night snack that turned into a dinner of chili and sandwiches. Ahhhhh....winter.



My front door when the snow was just beginning to make its mark.

2008 resolutions ya'll

2008 Resolutions

1 Get more sleep. Lots more.

2 Become even better at saying “no” to people.

3 Stop trying to please everyone. It cannot be done.

4 Get back in the habit of going to the gym in the morning and rising early. Going after work sucks.

5 Go to bed earlier.

6 Call friends who don’t live in Chicago more often.

7 Eliminate gluten from my diet. Maybe refined sugars too.

8 Stop thinking I have to download every song I like on iTunes. Give it a few days and listen again. And maybe a third listen before buying.

9 Take better care of myself. This means cook more, and take more walks after eating and basically the majority of the other resolutions on this list.

10 Be more trusting. This does not apply to the Republican Party.

felt

.....here's what I "felt" in 2007:

*Disclaimer: I am not proud of all of these.

Amy Winehouse's music
PerezHilton.com
spinning class
anything product red
The Real Housewives of Orange County
Eat Pray Love
Pastis in New York City

Six Flags Great America
a new nephew
a new cousin, adopted from Guatemala
L'homme by Yves Saint Laurent
paragliding over the Pacific in Oahu
homemade smooothies

"Atonement"
Makers Mark and Diet
noise machines for sleeping
thermal underwear
shoe sales
dinner delivery over cooking

tech books
digital photography
the best kisses ever
a sexy mormon
teeth whitening
shaving my head

Whole Foods
the Chicago Lyric Opera
running at Lake Michigan
getting to know me
alone time...on purpose
Chaser Plus

sashimi
letting go
romantic nights on mountains
outlet shopping
tattoo idea compiling
piercing consideration

hillary clinton
janice dickinson
face scrubs
stone massages
being in weddings

humidifiers
running races all over the USA
saying "yes"
saying "no"
biting my tongue
learning more spanish and brushing up French